The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me! I’ve taken the plunge and have decided to write a blog. The main reason being is my son Ewan, who since his arrival in December 2016, has turned my world upside down in a variety of ways both good (the very obvious ways) and bad (lots of shit times actually, which I naively didn’t expect… or at least didn’t expect the shit times to be so numerous, and have had a hard time getting my head around as a consequence). I hope to share my experience of first time motherhood warts and all instead of all the pretending I do on social media and in real life that everything is amazing and being a mummy is just the most amazing thing in the world. Of course it is but could we all just be a bit realistic here and feel brave and honest enough to admit that sometimes things are sometimes very shit indeed. I want this blog to create a space where this can happen because let’s face it, motherhood, no PARENTHOOD is hard af! I hope in my own way to shed light and perhaps a bit of laughter on some of the stories I have that were traumatising at the and/or are still traumatising but are now frankly laughable. Not everything is rosey in the garden of mum’s the word but let’s take time to smell the roses if you will.

So a very tiny bit about me personally, I won’t go on… I am a nurse. That bit forces me to be an adult, and have to talk to other adults, which I’d rather not do, but the old fashioned providing nursing care to people is what I enjoy doing (none of this crap in between which mounts on a daily basis) and why I have continued to do it for the past 7 years. I’m not really sure I can continue until retirement age as I may burn out. Watching this space on that one.

I live with my partner and Ewan and my partner’s oldest son (17) in sunny Cumbria in the North West of England. Near to the Lake District and also the Furness peninsula. It’s not so grim up north in this area although it can be sometimes. Life isn’t always as straightforward as I’d like but we all muddle along ok for the most part (lots to write about on the subject of blended families too, OH also has a little girl, 5, who doesn’t live with us) which is also harder than I thought after the rose tinted glasses really come off when your pregnancy is over and the shit really hits the fan.

I have always wanted to write (about anything) but have always had very little confidence in myself and my abilities. Weirdly since becoming a mum that confidence is even less. Having all your plans for a breastfeeding, baby led weaned, organically fed, naturally birthed, swaddled, carried, self soothing to sleep, perfect angel child rejected, kind of does that. I was low on confidence anyway, so I found myself crushed at every turn really. As time as gone on I have learned to accept things more though and I hope to be able to touch on the subject of giving less fucks as it’s pretty helpful.

I probably should have started writing this blog from the birth of my child but things were a bit messed up then in one way or another (traumatic birth, sepsis, ensuing anxiety and PND), and some days I didn’t get round to having a wash, let alone writing blog posts. So I am starting now, with him a fully fledged toddler, 19 months along the road and he is now walking (came very late but seems to have mastered it now), talking (“car”, “apple” and “atchoo” are his favourite words) and screaming if anything doesn’t go his way (definitely mastered that skill). Perhaps I still won’t have that much time to get round to writing between him and work, but I’m going to give it a try. I have a lot of things to write retrospectively, which might be the best thing anyway. I’ve got 19 months worth of material now. In the meantime I’m going to keep on winging it so I’ll keep you informed on how that goes (which is normally not the way I planned). Thanks for making it this far. As Murphy (or sod if you will) would have it Ewan has just woken up from a nap so that’s my cue to leave just now. Luckily he still naps in the day, and oh how I dread that ending, but for now my time has ran out. Thanks for getting this far anyway! I’m excited to get this started!

Ruth x

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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