First post of 2019-better late than never!!

Firstly apologies for leaving it so long to do a new post. I’ve been a bit floored by a really bad bout of depression which has been really debilitating in that my motivation is zero! I don’t want to talk that much about the circumstances surrounding all that as for one thing it’s kind of raking over old ground and for another I don’t think I have permission to tell the part of the story that belongs to my mum yet. That deserves a whole post and possibly a whole other blog subject. Needless to say things have been utter crap and I haven’t felt like writing. If depression were a person I would cross the road to avoid them. Of course it’s not so easy to do that in reality. It sounds cheesey but there is that little chink of light now. Something to work towards that will hopefully be the point at which my life gets back on track. I will keep you posted. If you’re still there thanks for bearing with me. Ewan is doing well so to me that is the main thing. The terrible twos are now officially established (I’m not sure if I can ever go back to tumble tots again), he’ll be off to nursery very soon, and hopefully potty training can start soon and bring an end to the WWE smackdown experience several times a day that is nappy changing. I’m still crap at going out to places with him but I sense this is all about to change. My sense of purpose is coming back now. I am still essentially a lazy person who wants to sit on the sofa snacking in the new lounge wear I have purchased myself (an act of self care!!) but the amount of time that I wish to do this is decreasing (I think). Also I am getting very fat and the fact that I don’t have many pairs of trousers that fit me anymore is serving as a motivating factor somewhat. The mindset to want to be a bit more healthy and exercise some is gradually coming back to me so watch this space. I may even give the embarrassment of slimming world weigh ins one last ditch attempt. Don’t expect amazing pictures of unhealthy food made slimming world friendly though. I don’t do that shit very well even though what I do manage usually tastes better than it looks. Wanting to give it a try instead of not wanting to do anything is progress in my opinion. I’ll come back from this I’m sure. It’s bloody hard though. Thanks for bearing with me if you’re still following! I don’t blame you if you’re not really.

Much love. R x

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