With it turning into a new decade the temptation to go mad and make totally over the top promises to be a beast in the gym, becoming a successful business tycoon or making statements about “2020 is going to bring great things” has definitely been there. I did take part in the 10 year challenge hashtag I must admit and I actually regret doing it now because it I think it has actually fed the temptation to make these outlandish statements about banishing all the shit of 2019 and welcoming the brilliance of 2020 etc etc. Of course I am happy to confine 2019 to the dustbin of history. I am happy to do that with every year of my adult life more and more as it happens. That however does not mean 2020 will be the perfect year for banishing all the demons of last year just because it is the start of a new decade. Most of what made 2019 so crap hasn’t just magically disappeared with seeing in 2020 as much as people will it to (me included). So after reflecting on 10 years (plus the rest) that have zipped passed scarily quickly, and brought some of the most dramatic changes to my life good and bad, I actually have come to the conclusion I have no meaningful resolutions to make because let’s face it all that brand new year brand new me stuff is just total BS. I’m still me, just 10 years older. Well just older actually outside the context of the 10 year challenge. Perhaps a little more knowledgeable but in some ways wishing I wasn’t. So this year I haven’t made any promises to go to the gym more, be a better person/mum/partner, be super organised, write the next best seller, run an ultra marathon, or become the next prime minster. This year I am settled. I have my son, my health, family, a roof over our heads and so on. All blah stuff you probably don’t need to or want to hear.
I read on twitter a day or so ago that this time in the month is when most resolutions are broken. So for once in my life I feel glad. Glad that I haven’t forced any unrealistic expectations on myself. Also glad that I can’t beat myself up about for not achieving said unrealistic achievements. That my friends is self care. I’m going into this year giving less fucks than ever. The pressure is off and I feel fabulous. I’m not going to say I’m giving zero fucks because as a mother that’s impossible. I imagine saying “sorry no breakfast today son because mummy no longer gives any fucks” would not be deemed a good enough response to a 3 year old demanding chocolate spread on toast 50,000 times per minute at 6am in the morning. Or anyone normal obviously. Of course I am going to continue to care about my child. I don’t mean I’m going to give less fucks relating to him or the choices I make for my family and I. I simply mean it in the sense of seeing 2020 coming feeling liberated from it’s shit already. I have no expectations to get disappointed by. I feel more accepting of myself and what will happen. I feel a freedom I haven’t felt for a long time, if ever. That feels good. I haven’t felt good for ages… and no I haven’t made a resolution to make no New Years resolutions! I don’t care any less, I just don’t care about that!
Oh yeah and a very belated happy new year to you all!