2020 you ok hun?

Ok 2 questions; wtaf 2020? Also why when I should be thinking stop the world I want to get off, I’m not as bad as I thought I would be anxiety wise when faced by something as catastrophic as covid 19? I can answer the second question. It’s because I always feel like something catastrophic is happening so the feeling to me is not new. If it is a new feeling to you then hello and welcome to Anxiety World. We have lots of rollercoaster rides here. I have zero answers to the first question though.

What is starting to upset me, like most people, is the anxiety about are the people most dear to me becoming sick however. As the bad news continues to pour in day after day of more and more human tragedy it’s becoming inevitable. OH works for the NHS so whilst others are told to stay home to stay safe, that message doesn’t apply to him, therefore us as a family. My mum is in the shielded group of society and although I’m thankful she’s not poorly, not being able to physically have that contact with her is very hard for Ewan and I. It is for her too. When we finally can go to see her again I think we will have to be socially distant, and that will be extremely tough, particularly with the kids. It definitely sucks to not even know when this will be possible. At least she’s still here though, as so many so unfortunately aren’t.

So I try to focus on the positives (if any) this lockdown has had. Obviously there is the family side of things. If you are managing to home school and do wholesome family stuff I am honestly happy for you. We have had some nice times, complete with the obligatory rainbows for the window (all done by me), but actually the reality behind the positive social media spin of #paintingrainbowswithmummy is that although I quite enjoy getting creative, arts and crafts with a 3 year old is crap. I think my biggest achievement of lockdown so far is fashioning a rocket out of a toilet roll and an egg box in the shape of a cock. Not on purpose obviously I’m not a pervert. For some reason I was hell bent on making the shuttle have a realistic nose cone (helmet). Oh and not killing everyone in the house. That’s the main achievement actually. Although isolation would be easier… Social distancing is actually something I’m fine with because, well people. So really for me lockdown has been like normal life and taking the rough with the smooth in my usual appalling manner. I would like to.personally thank covid 19 for the semi potty training help though. Dry pants all day. We just need to progress to solids on the crapper now. Oh the delights.

So 2020 I don’t know what you are playing at. I want to say just stop it and get back to normal but however this shambles turns out it will be a new normal and we shall just have to see what we happens. To those social distancing/isolating you’ve got this. One day things will be better. If you’re flouting social distancing regulations then you don’t get to be included in the “when this is over” shit. I don’t want to say I hope you catch covid because I’m a better person than that…. Actually no I’m not. I’m not a better person for this lockdown or indeed at all. I’ve not took up a new hobby or produced any extremely creative tik toks or whatever. I’m just here, looking at my phone too much, watching too much news, changing out of one pair of pyjamas into another and arguing with a small person that poop is not good to eat. Also wondering when it is an acceptable time to crack open the gin because unlike the whole nation at this time (it seems) I hate wine! Peace and love peeps. See you on the other side of this shit show!

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